Mom says BBC lied to get her to take part in ‘anti-trans’ documentary about her kid
“The program information gives an interview with Dr Kenneth Zucker, who the documentary filmmakers say ‘lost his job for challenging the new orthodoxy that children know best’.
In fact, Zucker lost his job after being hit with allegations of psychological abuse against minors. His ‘techniques’ were aimed to ‘repair’ the ‘biological’ gender, and told parents to discard of ‘feminine toys’. The Canadian ‘doctor’ was discredited, disgraced and the gender clinic issued an apology to the more than 500 pre-pubescent youth who came into contact with him since he started practicing in the 1970s.”
(via Gay Star News)
Something amazing just happened!
I really want to talk about the unbelievable day I just had, but I don’t want to risk outing someone IRL by posting on my own blog. (If there’s a way to anonymize this submission, I would appreciate it!)
I just had lunch with my biological dad (my mom and dad’s sperm donor) to celebrate Father’s Day. He is a long-time friend of the family, and we have seen each other a couple of times a year for the past several years.
In the course of conversation, I accidentally came out as being pansexual and some variation of non-binary or genderfluid. I said something along the lines of liking people “of all different genders” and he really resonated with that phrase.
He said “well, if you’re being totally open and honest with me, I’ll be open and honest with you about something I’ve never talked about before.“ It turns out that he has questioned his gender since he was a little kid, and regularly wears "women’s clothing” secretly under his other clothes or in the privacy of his basement when his wife is at work. He has only ever told two other people (including his current wife) and neither of them supported him at all so he just keeps it totally hidden. But I was PSYCHED! I am so excited! I invited him over to try on accessories and do makeup and all that stuff, and we got to have a great conversation about each of our gender adventures.
Since he’s never been part of an LGBTQ+ community or had any education that way, but I’ve had several Gender Studies classes at my university, we use pretty different vocabulary for things. Like, he had never heard about people requesting preferred pronouns or gender-neutral pronouns before (hence why I am continuing to use he/him pronouns for now: it’s brand new territory and he doesn’t seem ready to think about being called anything else yet!) He knew the phrase “shemale” and was somewhat vaguely aware of “FTM” but had never heard “trans woman” or that “trans women are real women” before I started talking about it. It sounds like the only images of non-binary or trans bodies he has seen are the typical porn actors (young, perfect, large breasts, large penis, totally staged orgasms, etc.) and he was so fascinated when I talked about liking to look at sexual/pornographic images of real regular non-cisgender people who have body hair and fat and whatever diverse genitalia and identities and partners they actually have. Like, he has no idea where to find that kind of thing, but I do (sort of)
In his world, he’s a man who secretly likes to wear women’s clothing and sometimes feels that he doesn’t fit his gender. But in my world, *she* might be a trans woman who wears *her own* clothing, and isn’t supported to be out about it. Or “they” and genderfluid, or whatever works, but certainly not “a man wearing women’s clothing”. We have two totally different paradigms, and it is a real challenge not to think about my point of view as being correct and his as being ignorant. I want to let him be in control of his identity and how and if he wants to redefine it as we start talking about the different terms that folks use.
The fact that he’s my biological parent is amazing because, OMFG it runs in the family! This is where I get it from! But it also makes boundary issues a little weird. Like, I want this beautiful person to have all the resources to have a safe and happy and validated feminine identity and sexuality for once in their life. But also, sharing porn search terms and how to buy lingerie with a parent is super weird right? He’s really into cute shoes, and I told him that he can have some of the fancy pairs I wore once to some event but aren’t comfortable enough to wear regularly. But then there’s the issue that for him, shoes are also I guess a sexual fetish thing? Sharing healthy sexuality resources is one thing, but sharing straight up masturbation material is kind of another thing. And it’s not like we have a script to model where to draw the lines in this relationship. Who even has a relationship like this with anyone ever? What are the chances? Well, I guess the chances are slightly better than strangers meeting, because we’re related and I probably supposedly inherited the gender thing from him. If I was reading this on the internet I would probably think it was fake, it is so unlikely. And I don’t know whether I will ever find another person with a similar experience who may be able to relate to how to help a parent with this kind of thing. But I am literally the third person he has ever come out to and the only one who has ever supported him in any way, so I’ve got to do a good job of it.
I am moving across the country at the end of the summer for my PhD program, which means that we only have a month or so for him to come over and safely do girly dress-up stuff. But being optimistic, if he ever comes to visit me he could theoretically go out in public in feminine clothing for the first time because there would be almost no chance of being outed to someone he knows. I want to take him to the local transgender resource center and feminist sex shop/education center before I go so he’ll have someone to answer questions I can’t (like how do you know what size bra to order?) But this is just such a huge and improbable thing, that I am pretty overwhelmed right now. On the one hand, there’s so much to do and so little time. On the other hand, there’s a real danger of going too far and transgressing parent/child boundaries in a way that may ruin everything. I guess it’ll have to come down to good communication and making it up as we go along.
TLDR: I accidentally came out to my mom’s sperm donor and it turns out he has a secret feminine identity, and now I am teaching my bio dad how to order bras online and find ethically produced porn and do makeup and stuff. It’s not typical, but I guess this is my relationship with my parent now?
This gives me hope for humanity
Revolutionary new surgery could allow trans women to carry children
This should be exciting for some of you
A 26-year-old woman who is undergoing the screening process told The Times: ‘I crave that experience.
‘I want the morning sickness, the backaches, the feet swelling. I want to feel the baby move. That is something I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember.’
Dr Christine McGinn, a plastic surgeon, told Yahoo News: ‘The human drive to be a mother for a woman is a very serious thing.
‘Transgender women are no different.’
Me: is screaming
Milk Junkies: Trans Women and Breastfeeding: A Personal Interview
“Trans women,
individuals who were assigned male at birth but identify and live as
women, CAN breastfeed. It is possible, and totally awesome! Health care
providers, volunteer breastfeeding counsellors, and trans women
themselves need to learn this important, empowering fact.“
Anonymous:
if you had children, what would they call you?
At first it would be just sounds. The brush of air through hands opening and closing towards me. The whisper folding of their furrowed eyebrows. Pouty lips slurping up breakfast. A sigh before sleeping.
Then it’s happy babble at dawn after no sleep, the warm weight of them against my heart. It’s them looking up at me for explanation, rain running down their face, during our first thunderstorm. The patter of their feet falling towards me learning to walk. The beginning of trust. They’ll call me the feeling of hands always close to their own when they cry. They’ll call me warm kisses over bandaid knees. They’ll call me the smell of my skin lingering on them after so many hugs. They’ll call me my hair wrapped around their soft hands, hiding in it from everyone’s sight.
My child will call me “always safe” and “please stay home with me” and “will you tuck me in?”.
And when someone asks them what they call me, this willow limbed parent of theirs, they won’t be embarrassed that it was never mom or dad.
They’ll smile with the lil fangs I gave them and say “They are all mine, they are just all all mine.”
shoutout to nonbinary parents who arent a mom or a dad just a parent
hi this post got me anon hate and if u guys can just reblog this itll make me extra happy thx ♥
If Max wants to wear a pink tutu and fairy wings, he can: Parents raise their son as a boy AND a girl so he won't 'grow up aggressive'
Excellent article on gender-neutral parenting.
