Loving Someone with Dysphoria

journeyintomanhood:

Whether it be a partner, child, friend, or parent watching any loved one suffer is difficult. Watching someone you love struggle with dysphoria can be extremely heart-wrenching and you may find yourself wondering what you can do or say to make it better. Here are some tips I’ve compiled based on my own experiences. 

Know you cannot fix it or make it go away 
As great at it would be there is nothing a person can say to make dysphoria simply go away. You might be able to help temporarily relieve it but it will not go away. 

Listen 
Listen to your loved one. Listen to them rant. To them cry. To them be angry. Listen. Be a safe place to listen to them. You don’t need to offer advice or solutions or reply with profound words of wisdom. You can simply be there to listen. 

Do What They Ask 
If they have asked you to use certain pronouns or a chosen name or avoid certain words to describe them, etc. then do it. It might be hard for you to adjust but you need to do it. Remember it’s not about you but it is about them. Do what they need you to do. 

Treat them as People 
Just because they are suffering from dysphoria does not mean they are not people with a variety of emotions, experiences, and personality traits. Make sure you treat as the person they are. Pay attention to all parts of their life and don’t treat them as fragile all the time. They are not their dysphoria. That is simply part of their experience.

Anonymous:

Is it weird for me to be comfortable with my biological sex but still want to have a more feminine body? I am really unconfortable with my body because of my secondary sex characteristics (My bone structure, musculature, voice, etc) but I dont want to be female. More I want to be somewhere in between or a mix of different aspects of both male and female. Im realy unsure about how I should approch this issue and I'm kind of desperate for advice.

It sounds like you’re experiencing dysphoria, which people can experience to varying degrees. It is totally fine to be comfortable with your biological sex and still feel like you want to make changes to other characteristics! It is not weird at all.

It sounds like your ultimate goal is a more androgynous figure, which is definitely attainable. Hormones might be something to look into since the changes you want would be brought on by that. But by no means are you obligated to transition to the other side of the binary, or identify as female, even if you take hormones. Your identity is separate, unique, and determined you. My own plan is to take hormones until my body looks the way it feels best.

The first step in this process is to find a gender therapist (if possible, someone who is comfortable with non-binary identities) and talk this over with them. They’ll be able to give you a letter that you give to a doctor to start the process, if that is what you desire. I hope this was helpful!

-Kai