Anonymous:

So recently, I've been feeling like I might be genderfluid, but I can't tell if what I'm feeling is an actual change in gender, or whether I'm just tricking myself into thinking it is. Is there any way to know for sure? Also, I'm a bit confused about the idea of gender in general; what makes someone a specific gender, etc. For example, I know today I feel different than yesterday, but I can't tell if what I'm feeling is a change in gender or not. Thank you for your time and help!

Ah, I know this feeling all too well. Gender is not a very solid experience for me either. In fact, it’s quite elusive to pin down.

Is there any way to know for sure? Well, I’d say not really. There is a lot of cultural ideas getting in the way of a cognitive exploration of gender, so thinking about it with the mind often gets me nowhere but frustrated. Instead, if I feel noticeably different one day, I’ll take some time to sit and feel whatever those feelings are. Sometimes they feel more masculine or more feminine, or totally neutral, and I’ve settled in a place of realizing that’s probably how it’s always going to be. 

I settled on the identifier genderqueer because it seems the most broad and a broad term is what feels best for me. If you like the term gender fluid, go for it. If you need validation, it seems like that would suit you. Ultimately your identifier is what feels most true / comfortable for you!

-Kai