So, this question was one of the latest in the pile that I’ve ignored.
For that I’m sorry. I have about 450 asks right now and they are just piling up more and more. :/
However, I wanted to address this because I guess I don’t talk about being agender all that often. Or at least it feels like I never do. It isn’t something that comes to mind. I did a few comics about it, but they always ended up being more “here’s my gender philosophy” instead of “here’s my experience.”
Let’s start at the beginning instead. This might get kinda long.
My worldview, my explanation of it, my words, might not suit everyone. I know that there are several points in here that people can take issue with. But this is just my experience. Obviously, everyone has theirs.
This is what I remember going through, how I remember thinking about my gender identity - before I was mature enough to understand the separation of genitals and gender, and after I learned more about it, made changes to my logic, etc.
To this day, I’m not out to my family - which kind of puts a spin on my ‘societal role’ theory, huh? But the truth is, I don’t feel safe being out, and despite the fact that I WISH my family could view me as agender, I know that the risks and the emotional toll would not be worth the outcome.
Still, I’m basically out to my friends and close acquaintances and that’s enough for me. My everyday life isn’t plagued with constant reminders of ‘you’re a girl’ and I’ve since grown way more comfortable with my gender identity in general, because I don’t feel the need to hide it from surrounding people. It helps when you’re in an environment where you can be comfortable to experiment with your expression.
Stupidpoop is going to start updating Tues and Saturday from now on! Genderfluid bug returns and finds love! Hooray adorable nonbinary queer relationships!
A quick guide for anyone adjusting to someone’s pronouns.
Just correct yourself, its really easy. Please spare trans people your rant about how hard you’re trying to adjust. Chances are the person you misgendered just wants to move on with the conversation.
We know your sorry, otherwise we wouldn’t be your friend.
A little comic for National Coming Out Day! Not meant to encapsulate 100% of the spectrum of people’s experiences, just a little chat based on my personal findings :). Change is ok! (and so is not changing, of course!)
Well, this is being posted literally 2 months after I drew it. I made it, thought about it a lot, and wrecked my head about whether or not I want to say these things, and if this is how I wanna say them. I’m sure it’s still not the best way to phrase everything, but learning is a process.
You don’t have to agree with me on everything. All I ask is that you be respectful towards people (especially children who are discovering things about themselves), and listen to them and don’t assume things.
I remember that I was doing this exact thing, I was asking for explanations and definitions in a conversation about disability, and I just wanted to help, and I thought if they just could explain this concept to me that I hadn’t heard before, then I could help more. I remember my friend turning to me and saying, not unkindly, ‘I bet, if you tried, you’d find some really excellent blog posts about this’. I’m fortunate that I got the implied ‘shut up’ there.And she was right.
I’ve seen people online react really badly when someone gives them a link and says ‘I think you’ll have a better idea of what we’re talking about if you look this over’. We’re expected to slow down, be patient, be kind, be clear, we’re expected to be knowledgeable and articulate and calm and accommodating. We’re expected to do this for free, as a basic part of our identities, the constant willingness to educate. Often we’re expected to do this in order to receive ‘support’ from people.
It would just be really wonderful to be able to talk about gender without constantly landing back into 101.
The “I’m scared” at the end really drives it home.
