Lane Patriquin here. I’m the creator and administrator of Life Outside The Binary. I’ve been going by “newt” since the beginning, but since I’ve become involved in several nonbinary projects online, I’ve decided it’s time to step away from the pseudonym to kind of consolidate my internet presence.
At this point, visibility as a nonbinary transgender advocate has become more important to me than my anonymity, and I feel like I could benefit the community more by making myself available on multiple platforms and putting a face to the name (and a name to the nickname) as it were. So yeah, i’ll be going by my real name on this blog from now on. Pleased to meet you.
as you may know, I’m a disabled student with a fixed income. so, in order to (hopefully) help me pay for some of the finer things in life such as food, rent, and tuition, I’ve made a Zazzle store - GenderQweird - to sell my clothing and accessory designs for the discerning gender-nonconformist.
some of my favourites include:
right now most of the designs are pronoun/nonbinary-flag themed, but there will be many more items to come (and with more inclusive gender/pronoun options)!
I’d appreciate signal boosting because this store is brand new and I’d like to get the word out :)
7 non-binary members bring you advice, stories, tips & tricks and more! This channel started out of the need for more visibility of the non-binary identities…
be sure to check out this non-binary collaborative YouTube channel - OutOfThisBinary! We post videos every day with new topics every week. I recently joined as a member and will be posting videos every Friday!
this blog has become a place where lots of people come looking for answers and advice about things related to life and gender, and a pretty significant portion of the questions we get are about transition.
Although it was never my intention for the blog to serve this purpose, it does appear we are one of the few non-binary focused blogs with mods who are transitioning. so we are happy to help.
kai and i have been able to give advice and answer questions about testosterone-related transition, however our AMAB audience has gone largely unserviced in this area, as no one working on this blog presently has experience with those forms of transition.
we are looking for AMAB mods who identify as non-binary, have experience with physical, social and/or legal transition, and would be willing to share their knowledge and experience in these areas.
we would also be willing to take on one more AFAB mod, if they have something to contribute to our team.
POC preferred, as we are trying to maintain equal representation.
Mods will be chosen based on the knowledge and experiences they have to contribute.
challenge: create a gender neutral equivalent of “man”/“woman”. maximum 2 syllables, cannot be culturally appropriative or offensive, cannot be the word “enby”.
5 Common Insecurities That Dont Mean Anything About Your Transgender Identity
In my time being active in the nonbinary trans community I’ve received countless questions that were something along the lines of “does _______ mean that I’m not trans?" I feel like a lot of these insecurities come from the fact that people just don’t know how common these feelings are among other trans people. So I wanted to make a post clearing up some very common insecurities I hear from trans people that don’t mean anything about your gender identity.
1) I keep misgendering myself - does that mean I’m not really trans?
Unfortunately, you don’t get to just un-do however many years of brain wiring the day you decide you want to live as a different gender. Your brain forms pathways from use, and the only way using your chosen name and pronouns becomes natural is through repetition. Accidentally referring to yourself as the wrong name or pronouns doesn’t mean anything about your gender, and it’s not uncommon for someone to slip up and call themselves the wrong name even when they haven’t spoken it for 5 years! Your brain just misfires sometimes, don’t beat yourself up about it.
2) I’m having second thoughts about HRT or surgery - does that mean I’m not really trans?
Physical transition is a series of life-changing medical decisions that need to be treated with all the seriousness of any other medical decision. The idea of surgery terrifies some people, as it would be such a huge and sudden change to their physical form, not to mention the months of painful recovery and risks of complications. The prospect of going on hormones also means coping with change and risks of complications. There are so many valid reasons to hesitate about taking the next step, and I think that if you don’t have even a little bit of hesitation you’re probably not grasping the seriousness of the decision you’re about to make.
It’s normal to be hesitant about change or nervous about any medical intervention, especially one as radical as transition. Of course, there are also people who get to the point of starting their transition and then start having second thoughts because the realize it isn’t the right decision for them. You should step back and take some time to think about whether your anxiety is about the actually process of the change (anxiety around surgery, sudden changes to your body, recovery, worried it won’t turn out right), or if it’s because you actually just don’t think those changes are right for you.
It’s perfectly normal, even for 100% binary trans people, to have to postpone surgery or starting HRT until they can work through their anxiety around it, and then wind up doing it a year later and say it was the best decision they ever made!
3) I want to transition but I only want to change X and not Y or Z - does that mean I’m not really trans?
There are trans people who don’t transition at all, so of course only wanting to transition in one way but not another doesn’t make you less trans! Gender dysphoria manifests in different ways and in different severities for every person, and it’s important that you listen to your body and your feelings and lead your transition in the direction you need it to go! You’re not just running through some pre-set A-to-Z transition narrative, this is YOUR transition and YOUR body and you need to do exactly as much or as little as it takes for YOU to feel comfortable. Don’t worry about anyone else’s ideas about how you need to transition, this is your journey, not theirs.
4) I don’t want to transition at all - does that mean I’m not really trans?
Plenty of trans people choose not to transition for a myriad of different reasons and every one of their gender identities is as valid as anyone else’s. Whether it’s due to financial or social limitations, or just because you’re happy with your body the way it is, the decision to transition or not to transition is an extremely personal choice and doesn’t impact the validity of your identity. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!
5) I’m having second thoughts about my decision to come out - does that mean I’m not trans?
The first while after you acknowledge being trans and come out can be scary, because it makes you feel isolated from the people around you, your culture, your media - so many things that used to make you feel welcome before now no longer reflect or represent people like you. you don’t know what your life is going to be like, if you’ll be able to find a job or an apartment or friends or a partner - you feel like you’ve signed up for a one-way ticket on the Freak Train and think maybe it might be best to just jump off before it starts going too fast. Humans don’t react well to change, even if it’s good or necessary change.
It’s important to take a time out whenever you’re feeling anxious about anything like this. Assess where you’re anxiety is coming from - are you anxious about what life is going to be like for you as a trans person, or are you anxious that you might not actually feel like the gender you thought you were? Answers don’t come quickly. Take time out for introspective thought.
The idea that in order to be trans you have to be so sure about every aspect of your gender and transition right from day one, and that there is no room for self-doubt, is just part of the gate-keeping rhetoric designed to make trans people doubt themselves and deter people from transitioning, and it’s reinforced by trans people who are insecure or defensive about their trans identities (because of the harmful rhetoric they’ve been fed). You’re still a human, and you still have every right to feel the natural anxiety and hesitation that comes with serious decisions and changes in your life. In fact, it’s healthy!
Just breathe, remain thoughtful and self-aware, and everything will work out alright.
So I’m a part of a group of 9 who are looking to start a non-binary collab youtube channel with information and opinions and fun. We’re all currently dfab and we’re looking for a little dmab diversity! If anyone would like to join us, that would be awesome! add me on facebook and send me a message!
A bit about our channel. It was inspired by ftmtranstastic and collab channels similar to that. So there will be weekly topics we respond to and upload videos to… fun stuff.
So yeah, if you’re dmab and interested, hit me up!
due to the amount of messages we get and not wanting to clog up our front page with a ton of anons, we’ve moved our question form over to a separate blog, lifeoutsidethebinary-queries.
all of our previous publicly answered questions have been reblogged to the new blog, and many of them have been deleted from this blog. we will keep any answers that may be informative or helpful to others on here, and reblog new ones like that to this blog. but as so many of the messages we get are very specific, most of them are not helpful for others and just take up space here.
Hi. Been having issues with my gender identity. Thought I was a cis woman but new trans friends/research made me unsure whether I really am or just assumed b/c that's what I've always been called. Try to think about my experience of gender & can't really find anything- only feel like "one of the girls" when targeted by sexism. I don't know if that's b/c I don't personally grasp "gender" as an emotional idea, I'm a fish that doesn't understand water, or I'm agender. Any advice would be helpful?
i actually realized I was genderqueer when my friend came out to me that they were - which is also the same time i’d ever heard the word or been exposed to the idea of nonbinary gender.
when I came out as trans, not a single one of my cis friends started questioning their genders because of it. that’s because they’re cis. the definition of cis is that they are comfortable being cis. if the sudden exposure to the idea of trans identities is making you second guess yourself, there’s probably a reason for that. especially if it’s to the point where you’re actively researching it and asking questions about it on nonbinary blogs :P
ask yourself, “what about this resonates with me? why do i feel compelled to explore this?” if you dont feel like you “grasp gender as an emotional idea”, that definitely sounds like agender to me. if you’re trying to find an identity that fits, it’s ok to ask a few (safe) friends to test out pronouns or identifiers for you. just say like “for the next 2 weeks/month I want you to call me [they pronouns or whatever] because i want to see if those pronouns would be more comfortable”
also try standing infront of a mirror and saying different statements about yourself (i.e. “I am a girl”/”I am a boy”/”I am agender”… etc.) and see how those words make you feel.
